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Julian Reyes and Zeek Reyes

Julian Reyes and Ezekiel “Zeek” Reyes were son and father. Zeek became a father at seventeen, provided most of Julian’s care, and raised him largely on his own until Zeek’s death when Julian was nearly three. Zeek called Julian his “lil man.”

Birth and Home

Zeek’s father expelled him from the family home after Julian’s birth, telling him, “You wanted to be a man so bad? Now you can deal with your choices.” Zeek had worked and saved money throughout the pregnancy and used those savings to obtain a small studio apartment in Fresno for himself and Julian.

Caregiving and Daily Life

Julian experienced persistent reflux and other health difficulties as a baby. Zeek continued caring for him despite his own illness, grief, exhaustion, and financial strain. He sometimes cried after Julian fell asleep or while walking alone.

While staying briefly with Ruben Alvarez after his father expelled him, Zeek documented Julian’s feeding and reflux in a notebook. One night Ruben found him writing at the kitchen table while holding Julian upright against his shoulder because the baby had just settled after spitting up. Zeek declined Ruben’s offer to hold Julian and apologized when Ruben took offense. Years later, Julian and Ruben revisited that memory together, and Julian showed Ruben a photograph of Zeek’s note: “Kept him up after. Better.”

Zeek worked early-morning shifts at a grocery-distribution warehouse and remained Julian’s principal caregiver outside those shifts. His wages provided the household’s only reliable income. Appointments for Julian’s medical care or benefits could require Zeek to miss work and lose wages needed for rent and household expenses. Zeek maintained WIC benefits for Julian and applied for SNAP and TANF after Ashley’s death.

Health and Family Pressures

Zeek continued working and caring for Julian while living with panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, severe reflux, neurodivergence, and recurrent fainting that had not yet been diagnosed. His family had repeatedly ridiculed his anxiety and taught him to distrust his own alarm. The same family later told Julian that he was not “man enough,” extending its attacks on masculinity across both generations.

Julian later lived with POTS and recurrent syncope that was not considered fully explained by POTS. Zeek’s recurrent unexplained fainting and sudden death at twenty left a possible inherited cardiac contributor to Julian’s episodes unresolved; no exact cardiac link between father and son had been established.

Zeek’s Death

Zeek died at twenty, approaching his twenty-first birthday. Julian was nearly three. A welfare check was requested after Zeek failed to arrive for work, and responding police officers found Julian in his crib and Zeek unresponsive in bed. News coverage reported that Zeek had been found dead without establishing the cause.

Julian’s maternal grandfather, Ruben Alvarez, was not able to assume primary care after Zeek’s death. Recurrent fainting had already forced Ruben out of his UPS delivery work, and his impaired exertional capacity made sole care of a toddler unsafe. Ruben’s depression had also worsened after Ashley’s death. At the time, Amy Alvarez was approximately eighteen and was terrified of leaving Ruben alone, while Jack Alvarez, approximately fifteen, checked on him repeatedly. Ruben’s health, rather than indifference toward Julian, prevented him from taking over the role Zeek had held.

Zeek’s father remained angry at Ruben for opposing Zeek’s expulsion. After Zeek died, he and Zeek’s older brother Marco used their control over Julian’s upbringing and access to keep the Alvarez family away from him.

Main article: Julian Reyes and Ruben Alvarez

Julian’s Grief and the Archive

Julian’s memories of Zeek were vague, but recalling them consistently brought him to tears. As an adult, he sometimes sobbed over photographs of himself with Zeek and judged it stupid to miss someone he believed he had barely known. Kayla Rossi rejected that judgment and affirmed his right to miss his father without requiring clearer memories or an explanation for his grief.

The abuse Julian experienced from his paternal grandfather and uncle contributed to his reluctance to disclose how much he loved and missed Zeek. Julian suspected that both men had also abused his father, reasoning that “abusers rarely abuse just one person,” but he had not learned Zeek’s abuse history.

Main article: Zeek Reyes’s Microcassette Archive

Years after Zeek’s death, an unidentified person left his microcassette archive at Julian’s Los Angeles apartment. The safe containing it opened with Julian’s birthdate and included materials marked “for Julian.” Julian particularly treasured accidental recordings of Zeek sleeping and snoring because they preserved unguarded stretches of his father alive at home. The tapes and notebooks gave Julian Zeek’s voice, handwriting, rambling, pet names, and ordinary presence. Those records made Julian’s feelings toward Zeek more immediate and accessible than his feelings toward Ashley, whom he had known mainly through public coverage. Julian grieved both parents; the difference did not reflect fear of Ashley or doubt that she had loved him.

Zeek’s written clarification began changing Julian’s understanding of Ashley. Photographs Zeek had taken and saved of Ashley with Julian helped him understand what that clarification meant. Zeek had kept the photographs without knowing that Julian would later need them as evidence of the mother the coverage had not shown him.

Shortly after the success of ‘’I Am Still Me’‘, Julian reestablished contact with his maternal relatives and became especially close to Ruben. Ruben gave Julian the information the medical examiner had released after Zeek’s death. It did not identify a definitive cause or resolve whether an arrhythmia or aspiration killed Zeek, but it gave Julian access to part of the official record he had not received while growing up.

Relationships Family Relationships Julian Reyes Zeek Reyes