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Marcus Henderson and Marcus Henderson Sr.

Marcus Henderson and Marcus Henderson Sr. were nephew and uncle from Marcus’s birth and became son and adoptive father through Marcus Sr. and Sharon’s 2010 adoption of him. Their relationship remained active through MJ’s adulthood.

Overview

After his sister Nadira died by suicide in 2010, following Marcus’s seventh birthday, Marcus Henderson Sr. and Sharon took her son into kinship care immediately. They formally adopted him later that year and raised him in West Baltimore. For Marcus Sr., raising his sister’s child has meant carrying ongoing grief for Nadira while also seeing her in Marcus’s face, his gestures, and his gentle heart. The relationship is layered with love, loss, and the fear that Marcus might share his mother’s fate.

Origins

Marcus was born on June 12, 2003, and was called MJ within the family from infancy. After Nadira’s death in 2010, Marcus Sr. and Sharon found him sitting in the living room in a dissociative state and saying, “Mama’s gone.” They took him into kinship care immediately. Their adoption later that year made Marcus Sr. his legal father and added “Jr.” to MJ’s legal name.

Dynamics and Communication

Marcus Sr. calls MJ “baby boy,” a term of endearment he has used from MJ’s childhood through adulthood. It expresses both his protective affection and the continuity of his care for his sister’s son, regardless of MJ’s age or size.

Marcus Sr. communicates with MJ using direct, concrete language. He learned early that euphemisms and vague terms confused his nephew, so he speaks plainly. When teaching MJ about his body, Marcus Sr. used anatomical terms such as penis and testicles instead of vague euphemisms. Accurate information helped MJ understand, and Marcus Sr. treated bodies and their functions without shame.

This directness extends to their other conversations. Marcus Sr. explains the reason behind an instruction rather than only giving a rule. He connects routines such as moisturizing to concrete consequences, including preventing painful cracked skin. His explanation—“You gotta keep your skin moisturized ‘cause otherwise it cracks and hurts, and you don’t like pain”—makes more sense to MJ than “just put lotion on.”

When MJ struggles to understand or remember something, Marcus Sr. explains it as often as needed, in different ways if necessary, without impatience or treating the questions as a failure. He tells MJ, “You can ask me anything, anytime, as many times as you need. I ain’t gonna be mad. That’s what I’m here for.”

Family and Cultural Context

Marcus Sr.’s fathering of his nephew belongs to a tradition of Black kinship care in which extended family members become day-to-day parents. He raised his sister’s child out of love, not merely obligation, and reorganized his life around that responsibility. Kinship care gave MJ an established family structure after Nadira’s death; it did not diminish Marcus Sr.’s grief or make the daily work of raising her son easy.

His summer 2014 puberty lesson was an instance of tender, detailed, body-positive care by a Black father raising a disabled Black boy. He laid out deodorant and other supplies, named body parts precisely, and explained changes without embarrassment. The lesson also stood against the scrutiny, fear, sexualization, and surveillance that Black boys’ bodies can encounter. By presenting puberty as normal and care as MJ’s right, Marcus Sr. taught him that his body belonged to him, deserved respect, and was something he could ask about without shame.

Marcus Sr. also saw Nadira’s eyes, gentle heart, and capacity for love in MJ. Her bipolar disorder and suicide made his concern about MJ’s mental health deeply personal. Nadira had lacked adequate treatment, and her loss sits within a broader history of Black people having their mental-health needs ignored, misdiagnosed, or undertreated. He watched for signs that MJ needed help and feared losing him to the same illness or to another failure of care; he did not assume that MJ’s life would follow Nadira’s course.

Shared History and Milestones

2010: Kinship Care and Adoption

When Nadira died after Marcus’s seventh birthday, Marcus Sr. and Sharon took him into their home through kinship care immediately. Marcus Sr. became a day-to-day parent to his beloved sister’s child while grieving her. He recognized Nadira’s big dark eyes, gentle heart, and capacity to love completely and without reservation in MJ.

Later in 2010, Marcus Sr. and Sharon legally adopted MJ. The adoption formalized Marcus Sr.’s role as his father and added “Jr.” to MJ’s legal name; MJ had already been his nickname since infancy.

Summer 2014: Teaching Self-Care

When MJ was eleven and entering puberty, Marcus Sr. sat with him in the bathroom and taught him how to care for his changing body. The lesson centered MJ’s health and comfort rather than other people’s opinions of him.

Marcus Sr. laid out everything on the counter: deodorant, body wash, lotion, an electric shaver still in its box for later. He explained each item with patience and clarity, always emphasizing the health reasons. “You gotta wash thoroughly ‘cause bacteria can build up. Can cause infections, rashes, make things hurt. And you don’t like pain, right?”

He used proper anatomical terms without embarrassment—penis, testicles, foreskin—because MJ’s concrete thinking needed accurate language, not confusing euphemisms. He explained puberty changes matter-of-factly: erections are normal, wet dreams are normal, none of it is shameful. He made clear that private parts are private, that nobody should touch MJ inappropriately, and that MJ should tell an adult immediately if anyone ever made him uncomfortable.

When MJ became overwhelmed by the amount of information, his breathing quickened and his hands shook. He asked, “But what if I forget?” Marcus Sr. answered gently: “Baby boy, you don’t gotta remember every single thing right this second. We’re just having the conversation now so you know it exists, so you know this is something we can talk about. Anytime you got a question—any time at all—you come ask me.”

The vanilla-sugar lotion became MJ’s favorite that day. It was the same scent Aunt Sharon used, now in a body butter that provided extra moisture. Marcus Sr. taught him how to apply it: “Just a little bit, warm it up in your hands, smooth it everywhere. Keeps your skin from getting dry and cracked.”

Teaching Shaving

When MJ started growing facial hair, Marcus Sr. chose an electric shaver with a protective guard to reduce the risk of cuts. He showed MJ how to use it, guiding his hand at first: “Slow circles, baby boy. Nice and easy. You got it.” He made clear that MJ could always ask for help: “Some days are harder than others. If your hands are shaking or the feeling’s too much, you come find me. Ain’t no shame in asking.”

MJ learned to shave himself, but when anxiety or sensory overload makes the coordination too difficult, he still asks his uncle for help. Marcus Sr. sits him down and shaves him gently without treating the request as a failure.

June 2019: Mental-Health Crisis

When MJ exhibited symptoms of a bipolar episode with mixed features, including manic activation, Marcus Sr. feared losing him as he had lost Nadira. MJ climbed onto a rooftop with a knife during a suicidal crisis. The resemblance to his mother’s illness made the crisis terrifying for Marcus Sr., though MJ’s outcome was not predetermined by their shared diagnosis. Marcus Sr. arrived after the main rooftop confrontation but before MJ was transported, then supported his son through hospitalization and recovery.

Lieutenant Nathan Weston talked MJ down, and the hospital diagnosed him and began treatment. Marcus Sr.’s son survived, though he had been bruised and traumatized by the crisis and police response.

July 2019: Safeway PTSD Episode

When a car backfire triggered a severe PTSD response in a Safeway parking lot, MJ became trapped in Sharon’s SUV, dislocated his right shoulder, and lost consciousness. Marcus Sr. joined Sharon at the hospital after the firefighters’ extraction and ambulance transport. MJ had arrived on a backboard with an IV in his arm. Marcus Sr. sat beside his bed and answered MJ’s confused, medicated questions after he woke: “You got stuck in the car, baby boy. Hurt your shoulder. Firefighters had to get you out.”

Health, Access, and Caregiving

Marcus Sr.’s approach to MJ’s health and accessibility needs grew from seeing Nadira struggle without adequate support and wanting MJ to receive sustained care. The 2019 crisis made his fear of losing MJ as he had lost his younger sister immediate. Supporting his son also remained a way of honoring her memory.

Marcus Sr. teaches MJ hygiene and grooming as health care rather than a performance for others. He explains that washing can prevent infections, moisturizing can prevent painful cracking, and dental care can prevent tooth decay. These concrete reasons help MJ understand the routines: “this prevents pain” means more to him than “this is what you’re supposed to do.”

Marcus Sr. recognizes that MJ’s executive-function difficulties related to FASD can make everyday tasks hard to start or finish. Textures and sensations can also overwhelm him. Marcus Sr. adapts by providing a guarded electric shaver, offering help when needed, and repeating explanations without impatience.

Having watched Nadira live without adequate treatment for bipolar I disorder and later die by suicide, Marcus Sr. remained alert to MJ’s mental health from childhood. He and Sharon arranged therapy to help MJ process Nadira’s death. When the June 2019 crisis established that MJ shared his mother’s diagnosis, Marcus Sr. supported his treatment. The family had prepared for that possibility without assuming that MJ’s course or outcome would be identical to Nadira’s.

Marcus Sr. teaches skills and provides tools while making clear that MJ can ask for help even with tasks he usually does independently. He reassures him, “You can do this yourself when you’re able. And when you need help, I’m right here. Ain’t no shame in asking.” His support allows for both growing independence and changes in what MJ can manage on a given day.

Relationships Family Relationships Marcus Henderson Henderson Family