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Marcus Washington II and Marcus Washington III

Marcus Levi Washington II and Marcus Levi Washington III are father and son from the multigenerational Washington household in West Baltimore. Marcus II had been a quiet but reliable parent before Diana died in 2010. Afterward, her resemblance in their son made closeness painful for him. He developed alcohol use disorder and withdrew from active parenting while his parents, Denise Washington and Marcus Washington I, took on most of Marcus III’s daily care. Marcus III understood that the distance came from grief rather than indifference, but still missed his father and was hurt by his absence. Their relationship began to rebuild in late 2014, and Marcus II later entered recovery.

Before Diana’s Death

Before 2010, Diana brought energy and expressive warmth to parenting. She coached Marcus III in the driveway, attended his games, and paid close attention to the household’s emotional life. Marcus II offered quieter, consistent support. He did not coach from the stands or dominate dinner conversation, but he was reliably present through the first thirteen years of their son’s life. Their different roles worked because both parents participated.

After Diana’s Death

Diana died of triple-negative breast cancer in 2010, when Marcus III was thirteen. Marcus II continued to adore their son, but saw Diana’s smile, eye crinkle, full-bodied laugh, and love of basketball in him. Marcus III wore her number twenty-three and played the game she had taught him in the driveway. Proximity to him could bring Diana’s absence sharply into focus for Marcus II.

The change in Marcus II’s participation developed gradually. He worked warehouse double shifts, came home late, and attended games from the back rows, where his son was unlikely to see him. Sometimes he drank Jameson in a parking lot before entering the gym. He continued to work and contribute to the household, but his drinking and avoidance kept him from parenting consistently. Denise and Pop were already living with Marcus III. They assumed most of his daily care, attended games and school events, and did not shame their son for needing them to step forward. Their existing household made the transition possible without anyone moving, though it did not remove the hurt caused by his absence.

The Distance

Marcus III knew his father loved him and that the distance followed Diana’s death. That understanding did not stop him from missing the quiet, steady father he had known. Marcus II knew his withdrawal harmed their relationship. He compared himself to Pop, whose continued presence seemed to him like a strength he could not reproduce: ‘’Your father would’ve been stronger. Your father wouldn’t be hiding in the back rows. Your father would be a father.’’ These accusations came from Marcus II, not Pop. Pop did not shame him or present his own way of grieving as a standard his son had failed. Marcus II’s guilt, drinking, and withdrawal reinforced one another.

Family and Cultural Context

Marcus II’s grief unfolded alongside expectations that he keep working, providing, and containing distress. In his West Baltimore surroundings, double shifts could look like endurance even as he used work to avoid home; drinking might be described as ‘’going through it’’ rather than understood as a disorder. For Marcus II, saying ‘’I cannot function without my wife’’ carried a fear of being judged weak or exposed to police, social services, or medical systems that had not always been safe for Black men. These pressures complicated his ability to seek help without making the drinking or withdrawal inevitable.

Marcus III usually carried his hurt without confronting his father. He filled silences with the noise and teasing that also resembled Diana’s manner, while continuing to speak with her inwardly and aloud about his life. That ongoing relationship was personally important to him and resonated with Black spiritual traditions in which the dead remain active in family memory and faith. His grandparents’ care likewise belonged to a longer history of Black kinship networks that kept children supported through slavery, Jim Crow, mass incarceration, and other disruptions. In this household, their existing shared home let Denise and Pop take on parenting without presenting the arrangement as a family failure.

Marcus II’s comparison with Pop also carried the weight of his idea of Black manhood. He saw an elder who endured losses and continued caring for the family, then read his own difficulty as evidence that he was a lesser father and a lesser Black man. The judgment was his own; Pop did not impose it.

Autism, Grief, and Family Understanding

Marcus II and Pop were both autistic, although Pop was never formally diagnosed and neither man had a shared vocabulary for their similarities. Their responses to loss differed. Pop relied on the familiar structures of his chair, newspaper, work, and family presence. He continued those routines after the deaths of Denise’s mother, his own father and brother, and Diana without grieving any of them less. Marcus II had built much of his adult life around Diana. She helped him navigate social demands and emotional transitions, and her presence made daily life more manageable. For him, losing her was like losing the operating system through which he managed those demands. It disrupted more than his marriage; it changed the supports through which he had related to other people.

Double shifts, back-row seats, and drinking became a rigid pattern during four years of withdrawal. Jameson blunted memories of Diana and emotional or sensory overload in the short term, while worsening Marcus II’s shame and ability to parent. He had relied on Diana’s presence for regulation and now reached for whiskey when overwhelmed. His difficulty changing that pattern reflected both grief and his own autistic reliance on familiar responses under extreme strain. It did not mean that autistic people generally grieve in one way or that Marcus II had chosen indifference toward his son. Pop’s different routines and circumstances helped him remain present; they were not proof of superior character, although Marcus II read them that way.

Marcus III also saw a grandfather who was reliably present and a father who could not be near him. At seventeen, he understood neither man’s interior life fully and could mistake the contrast for a simple difference in strength. Whether Marcus III shared their autistic neurology remained an open question; his social ease and resemblance to Diana did not settle it. Pop and Marcus II lacked words they could readily use for their shared autism and differing responses to loss. Marcus II could not tell his son, ‘’I am like my father, but my version broke when she died, and the breaking was not a choice.’’ Pop could not tell Marcus II, ‘’I see you, son. I know what you carry. I carry it too, in a different container.’’ Marcus III could not tell his father, ‘’I don’t need you to be Pop. I just need you to be here.’’ Their affection persisted even when those understandings were difficult to exchange.

December 2014 Scout Game

Main article: UMD Scout Game (December 2014) - Event

The December 2014 UMD scout game marked the first visible change in Marcus II’s four-year pattern. He attended as he had continued to do, but moved down three rows from his usual place in the back and sat three rows behind Denise, Pop, and Keisha Clark, who had unknowingly taken Diana’s former seat. Denise noticed him and smiled with a mixture of welcome, worry, and affection; Marcus II could only nod. When Marcus III saw his father where he could be seen, his first reaction was shock and then unguarded joy. Marcus II understood the shock as evidence of how rarely he had let his son see him at games.

Marcus II noticed Keisha in Diana’s seat and recognized her importance to his son. He kept his flask in his jacket pocket untouched for the rest of the game, watched Marcus III play, and stayed through the final buzzer. That visible attendance was a small act compared with the parenting his son needed, but it was more presence than Marcus II had managed in years.

What Father and Son Kept Private

Marcus III seldom spoke to others about his father’s drinking, the back-row distance, or his grandparents’ daily parenting role. He could fill silences with noise while keeping his hurt to himself. He did speak with Diana, aloud when alone and internally throughout his days, about his father, the flask, the games, and the way his father struggled to look at him. Her familiar voice continued to coach him through basketball and other choices. Whether he blamed Marcus II remained unclear even to him; understanding the grief did not cancel the hurt.

Marcus II struggled to tell his son how strongly Marcus III resembled Diana or how that resemblance triggered grief. Before her death, he had promised her in a hospital room, ‘’I’ll be okay. I’ll take care of our boy. I’ll keep going.’’ He believed he had failed those promises. Jameson, work, and the back rows helped him avoid unbearable moments but also kept him from offering the reliable care he knew Marcus III needed. He continued attending games, even when he had drunk beforehand or sat where his son could not see him. He understood that this was insufficient, yet those visits kept him connected to the son he loved.

Reconnection and Later Recovery

Across February and March 2015, Marcus II began sitting closer at games, remaining after the buzzer, joining family dinners, and asking Marcus III about recruitment. Before the University of Maryland home visit, he told his anxious son, “You’re not going to throw up. You’re going to sit in that chair and talk to those men and be exactly who you are. And that’s going to be enough. Because you—because you’re enough. You’ve been enough.” He put a trembling hand on Marcus III’s shoulder. During the meeting, he credited Diana with building their son’s game; his voice broke as he repeated that she had built him. Afterward, Marcus III told him, “It’s you too, Dad. You showed up. Every game. Even when you—even in the back. You were there. I knew you were there.” Marcus II stayed for dinner, drank water, and laughed with his son about Diana.

At Marcus III’s June 2015 graduation, Marcus II sat visibly with the family and gave his son a small smile. He joined the family dinner, drank water, and later withdrew quietly. These moments marked the rebuilding of their relationship, not a completed recovery. Marcus II eventually entered recovery from alcohol use disorder and became more present as a father and, after Rochelle Washington’s birth in 2020, as a grandfather.

Relationships Family Relationships Marcus Washington II Marcus Washington III Washington Family